Instead of having a joyful blissful badassery type of day, it was dry and heart-wrenching to say the least. It even got to the point where I had to turn off the radio when Bruno Mars came on because I just couldn’t take the upbeat music in my ears. For so long of a time we dream of having or should I say “living” a certain way, not saying that what I already have isn’t enough. It actually is, but I can’t help but to want more for myself and my family. I’m not rich (money wise) but I consider myself to be God Rich because I body my spiritual being like jewelry inside of me.

But today, today was a different kind of day for me. I had to question myself as I normally do, but the bitch in my head just wouldn’t let it go. This may seem small to you, but to me it was huge. I had an event to go to this evening and I never made it because my son’s dad didn’t show up. It was a networking event that doesn’t happen very often in the town that I live in and it was actually the second one in the last two months. I didn’t make the first one either, for the same reason. Now you can probably see where the frustration comes from with this.

The heart break comes into play when I feel as if I don’t have the support that I need to prosper. I’m in the business of building relationships with people. I’m in the business of getting in front of people so they know that I exist. You see, I can’t sugar-coat any of this. Many entrepreneurs won’t even speak on their ups and downs, they want you to see the glitz and glam, but this ish is real. No, it’s not all peaches ‘n cream, by far. And as a mom, we want to win for ourselves and for our kids, and we often think we have people in our corner for this very purpose. Since I began my journey, I knew that to not be so true after all. I cut a lot of people loose so that I could keep moving forward.

But, back to my beginning of this post…

I felt like my joy had been stolen from me today, and since I’m now sitting here eating a tuna sandwich and drinking my juice (for dinner), I take full responsibility for letting this consume me. I mean seriously, I sat in front of the computer most of the day not knowing what to do next, or if I should do anything at all. But this is where I call myself out.

I’ve broken through countless barriers over the years to let this get to me in a way that makes me want to quit. I’m not saying that I’m not mad, I’m human, and I am mad. But at the same time, it’s not enough for me to throw in the towel. Besides, I have to write this blog that I worked pretty damn¬†hard on. Hunni, let me tell you, I had to ask God if he loved me today lol. I knew better than that, but my feelings were so hurt. All I could do was pray, so that’s what I did and what I will continue to do.

Aside from this happening just today, I had a client that just stopped paying, and didn’t tell me she was done with my services. The nerve. But you know how it goes, when it rains it pours. However, joy comes in the morning. There’s a higher paying client waiting to take her place. Maybe 2, or even 3.

I’ll tell you this, it took a lot of self work to get this far- to where I can look at the positive in a situation that set me up to feel doomed, like I was going to hell with gasoline panties on. But you know what, you can get to this place too, if you’re not already there. You grow thick skin in entrepreneurship, I mean layers upon layers before you actually start bleeding.

I wanna leave you with this…

When it gets tough, in life, in business, or just as being mom, get yourself to a quiet place where you can quiet your mind and gain some peace. Take some deep breaths if you need to, but just sit in silence for about 10 minutes. Let me tell you, when that heffa in your head keeps taking jabs at you, it will drive you crazy and you don’t need that. What you need to do is de-stress, de-clutter, and regroup.

Even if things don’t go the way you planned or if they don’t work out THAT DAY, don’t throw it all away. Look at the bigger picture and have faith. I always say: Trust the process. And this is what we must do, when they don’t show up, when they don’t have our back, and when they aren’t cheering us on. Push through. xx

-CJ

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